scared baby with the head shaved
occasionally
she gets to step up the stage
begging for love
and acceptance
so i accept her
lovingly
i hold her in my mind
like i hold my little Oz
letting the words echo:
i am here
you are safe
artwork: gustav klimt, “mother and child”
my love language's a touch was forsaken for quite long isn't it like riding a bicycle too? muscle memory jumps right in my body remembers the warmth the breath the shiver the surrender
artwork: embrace by Gizem Özer via http://www.saatchiart.com
My body-an arrow about to be released.
my mind- racing ground
for thoughts to collide,
disappear into dread and dismay.
there is War.
all that i knew to be right,
Collapsed in seconds.
now buried under debris of hatred.
i am in between, always a bystander.
After 15 years of almost belonging
Then 26 of accepting the strangeness,
yet unmistakably,
still there
even when comfortably cushioned by my sweet life
my core is a despair
and helplessness of the land that bore me.
*artwork via mayhemandmuse.com
growing pains
chew me up
this time i’ll stare right back
today i’m ready to
embrace the sadness
it is mine.
it’s not me.
*artwork- “lost in nothingness” by teo kefalopoulos
Where had my voice gone
My mind is hollow
Wind howls
There
And nothingness is here
I *was* able to produce future
But I’ve lost present
It’s gone
Time spills through my fingers
Days and nights go marching by
And I keep waiting
For tomorrow to bring some relief
*artwork- “a girl and a tree” by petra kaindel via saatchiart.com
my scrawny birch has had to shed her roots
in the unlit marshes of the blue-eyed country
she’s been re-purposed and now ages
on the bed rock
under oriental sun
disoriented and dazed
knowing no direction
(traditions, heirlooms, family tales)
de-forestation of my mental grove
is inescapably on
still, i don’t know
how to create future
*artwork- via wallpapermaiden.com
biodanza melted everything
into my inability to be with others
there, (un)disturbed and loud, it exploded
grenade of piercing realizing:
i am so scared to not be able to love
to ever be able to care for someone
more than i care for myself
i’m terrified, that i’ll have to give up so much
for an uncertain promise to obtain.
*artwork- by Silvia Pelissero (a.k.a Agnes-Cecile) via inspirations.cgrecord.net
Anxiety is swift
Is a rabbit hiding in a high grass
Jumping on the path in front of you
Shuffling your thoughts in a second
Is a skillful burglar
That bursts into your walls
Robs you of the ever thinning peace and
quiet.
Is a ghostly beast, it smiles in your face
While watching you fail.
After being tamed for too long
It wants its freedom
Back and big.
So I have no choice
But to submit and surrender.
I’m letting it feed on plentiful of my fears
Primarily on the one that flickers in my head
In massive neon-red letters:
“Am I able to bring and sustain life?”
*artwork- via miscellaneoushi.com
Tiny seed of longing
Was planted in me when I was two.
I’ve never been asked for a permission
But nevertheless
I’ve taken care of it relentlessly
Fostering it into monstrosity
Letting it
Weave its branches into every supple cell of mine
To keep me buried under
An unrestrainable jungle of thoughts
To sentence me to an infinite
Trial
*artwork- via pintrest.com
I’ve gone astray
Amongst the fir trees of my years
Under cold snows
Relived
During sweaty summer evenings.
I’ve failed to tie a string
Or leave a bread crumbs trail
So I can find my way back
(36 years ago)
When I slipped into this world
And maybe then was happy.
Invariably, i am
( a sad little girl- an angsty adolescent-an all accepting woman)
Just looking for a place,
One guarded and secure,
To keep my hopes.
on my way up 