*artwork-“embrace” by egon schiele
will i ever conquer the vibrant?
Caledonian sky was beautiful
sometimes i could feel free
and scared no more
but here i go, cold home
that feels alien
i’ve lost track of time
in my own 2.5 rooms
where i walk with my eyes closed at nights,
touching guidelines of walls.
my hands are different.
every piece of my body is unpleasantly new
though i am not renewed, tired.
may be this is the sense of freedom
underneath changing skies,
the city was vicious and i needed (to)
i wonder what was it?
how lonely i felt embraced by the loved one.
how lonely my loved one has probably felt.
*artwork-“empathy” by John Edward Marin via fineartamerica.com
|who are you people?
countless names on countless pages.
is it all about comfort?
and why destroy freshly built basics?
he who likes Kurt Vonnegut and Milorad Pavic,
i want to be understood,
damn geniuses, i adorebeing adored
being the smart one
enchanting music attached to words that have no meaning
little book worm, devouring pages
under the blanket
that’s what i was
and now words are pale.
and, maybe, forgiven.
*artwork- “confusion” by roswita szyszka via dart.fine-art.co
|while married to roads,
of microscopic (barely) homeland,
i’ve been around and across.
same scenery all over.
sea is on my left. hopelessness- on right.
forever with my eyes closed
i am to hear someone else’s music,
and feel a stranger’s elbow
and smell a piercing sweat.
and now, again i’m lost?
these ways are alien.
i am at the crossroads,
same ruthless sky and rusty growth.
still. location is unclear.
you drive. your hand rests on my knee
together. we are so lost together
these roads divide and split,
so threatening, and we
we are bemused again.
you don’t know what to say
and my words die inside so i keep silent.
*artwork-“blurry cityscape” by ashly barid via .wallartys.com
|no guarantees. no eternal promises.
a stable place, is what i crave.
(mirage of) safety
obscures my sight.
right eye is open
left eye is closed
the third one is indigo not yet.
i am sad.
*artwork- from “hedgehog in the fog” masterpiece animation by yuri norshteyn, 1975
|he says “i love you so much”…
does he acknowledge the burden?
the rules are unclear.
thus, my love is entwined with your guilt.
i make you sip it, in swallows you are able
i thought. and i missed.
you ask for mercy and i am letting go.
hedgehogs in the fog
so curious, but then
disturbed, choking on ambiguous fears,
made up tornadoes and delirious tremors.
we watch scary movies,
you laugh as i cover my eyes,
yet you hold me closer.
it’s all about tea, raspberry jam, and stars.
*artwork-“The Delusional Confusion” by Darwin Leon
|redhearted statements of love and trust
and vice versa. and mere vice
my mind is a mess
and i keep messing with it
it feels like rubbing one palm against another
so familiar, but can you describe it?
my thoughts…those ones covered with spiderwebs
an old attic stuffed with redundant words and gestures
and i stand among them like in someone else’s dream
where gravity rules work no more
and rhymes have no meaning.
i know that i have to hand him the tickets
because i invited him for this ride.
he says the transportation was all legal and
this place was never visited before.an attic or a cellar
whatever is this place
i am scared
and i eager to be held
and i need eternal promises.
*artwork-“Christina’s World” by Andrew Wyeth.
|imagine metal lid over a deep hatch.
heavy. rusty. covered with dust. way out of use.
i tried my best to keep it closed
pushed with all the strength i had
and, boy, i may be strong with my eyes shut
but i received the permission, and i can not hold it anymore
it is free
and it is endless
and i don’t even understand what it feels like
*artwork- via darkascharcoal.tumblr.com/
god’s lion, he is
or god’s lamb?
my hebrew jesus crist
so close to perfect, but
it was like dancing
because i wasn’t
i could not feel my limbs,
i was too old, and all the same the youngest
suburbs of holiness
illusive peace of. mind?
unending touch. no words to hide in
so easy to pretend
another step on
well known ground
so firm so nonexistent.