*artwork- via wallpapermaiden.com
biodanza melted everything
into my inability to be while with others
there, (un)disturbed and loud, it exploded
grenade of piercing realizing:
i am so scared to not be able to love
to ever be able to care for someone
more than i care for myself
i’m terrified, that i’ll have to give up so much
for an uncertain promise to obtain.
*artwork- by Silvia Pelissero (a.k.a Agnes-Cecile) via inspirations.cgrecord.net
Anxiety is swift
Is a rabbit hiding in a high grass
Jumping on the path in front of you
Shuffling your thoughts in a second
Is a skillful burglar
That bursts into your walls
Robs you of the ever thinning peace and
Is a ghostly beast, it smiles in your face
While watching you fail.
After being tamed for too long
It wants its freedom
Back and big.
So I have no choice
But to submit and surrender.
I’m letting it feed on plentiful of my fears
Primarily on the one that flickers in my head
In massive neon-red letters:
“Am I able to bring and sustain life?”
*artwork-“dark matter” by luca l. via studentartguide.com
|all the colors of mine
are not enough
to block the blackness
all the words i used to know
are wiped clean
by the persistence of your silence
so i get pulled, again
into turbulence of my dreads
fueled by vigor of your own
the story repeats itself
again and again
we are so powerless
in this love
you can not bear the most of me
and i want out so bad
but then you drop
the magic words
they work unfailingly
and i give in
charmed, blinded by the sweetness of promise
and mute for some more
because there’s touch
it feels so god damn right
to get lost in our dizzy childish truths
and lies, so white, transparent almost
they help us through another day
*artwork-“le regret” by charbel samuel aoun
|another kind eyes decorated with a smile
to celebrate all the good things
that are out there,
made all the bad things that are in me
enclosed in my own self
i laugh out loudly
waking up all the demons,
and scaring off all the angels,
who guard no more.
i laugh out loudly,
watching loads of instances
of choices that were never made
dancing, swirling with the dust
of chances that were never taken.
*artwork-“embrace” by egon schiele
will i ever conquer the vibrant?
Caledonian sky was beautiful
sometimes i could feel free
and scared no more
but here i go, cold home
that feels alien
i’ve lost track of time
in my own 2.5 rooms
where i walk with my eyes closed at nights,
touching guidelines of walls.
my hands are different.
every piece of my body is unpleasantly new
though i am not renewed, tired.
may be this is the sense of freedom
underneath changing skies,
the city was vicious and i needed (to)
i wonder what was it?
how lonely i felt embraced by the loved one.
how lonely my loved one has probably felt.
*artwork- “confusion” by roswita szyszka via dart.fine-art.co
|while married to roads,
of microscopic (barely) homeland,
i’ve been around and across.
same scenery all over.
sea is on my left. hopelessness- on right.
forever with my eyes closed
i am to hear someone else’s music,
and feel a stranger’s elbow
and smell a piercing sweat.
and now, again i’m lost?
these ways are alien.
i am at the crossroads,
same ruthless sky and rusty growth.
still. location is unclear.
you drive. your hand rests on my knee
together. we are so lost together
these roads divide and split,
so threatening, and we
we are bemused again.
you don’t know what to say
and my words die inside so i keep silent.
*artwork-“sad melody of a street performer” by yuri kodimer via imgrum.net
|as i walk home,
shaking off their faces, stories, their smell and fear,
with my own neglected for 6.5 hours being
i lift up my eyes, “vintage” buildings for
bohemian (and) junkies.
sky is never gentle, with homeless me,
with ever homeless them.
concrete stairs, i learned to breath quietly
this hill is a loving enemy.
what do they feel leaving my room?
leaving me to watch their deepest secrets
like i watch this drying laundry on Bauhaus remnants.
on my way home.