*artwork- via wallpapermaiden.com
biodanza melted everything
into my inability to be while with others
there, (un)disturbed and loud, it exploded
grenade of piercing realizing:
i am so scared to not be able to love
to ever be able to care for someone
more than i care for myself
i’m terrified, that i’ll have to give up so much
for an uncertain promise to obtain.
*artwork- by Silvia Pelissero (a.k.a Agnes-Cecile) via inspirations.cgrecord.net
Anxiety is swift
Is a rabbit hiding in a high grass
Jumping on the path in front of you
Shuffling your thoughts in a second
Is a skillful burglar
That bursts into your walls
Robs you of the ever thinning peace and
Is a ghostly beast, it smiles in your face
While watching you fail.
After being tamed for too long
It wants its freedom
Back and big.
So I have no choice
But to submit and surrender.
I’m letting it feed on plentiful of my fears
Primarily on the one that flickers in my head
In massive neon-red letters:
“Am I able to bring and sustain life?”
*artwork-“empathy” by John Edward Marin via fineartamerica.com
|who are you people?
countless names on countless pages.
is it all about comfort?
and why destroy freshly built basics?
he who likes Kurt Vonnegut and Milorad Pavic,
i want to be understood,
damn geniuses, i adorebeing adored
being the smart one
enchanting music attached to words that have no meaning
little book worm, devouring pages
under the blanket
that’s what i was
and now words are pale.
and, maybe, forgiven.
*artwork-“angels in waiting” by libby mills via libbymills.wordpress.com
it’s me, waiting on him
till he wants to tell me his story
this building is shivering
and can be broken down
with one simple word
whispered inside out
whispered because it needs to be shouted
and blind eyes will become green
and deaf ears will heed
and mute mouth will break silence
*artwork- by jiwoon pak via artparasites.com
my being is ridiculous country.
it’s easy: i merely want to be needed, important and
so that they won’t have a new girl, again.but, in the meantime, i am bored.
and everything around me seems
people used to be.
and i once was
someone that i am not, anymore.
yet, i hold on to. clinging to something
that is not even memory.
ever present anxiety.
so, i wait. i’m alert.
always ready for being turned away.
returned to the manufacturer.
in a common cardboard box,
straight to unlovingness.
*artwork-“waiting for the sun” by cameron gray via fineartamerica.com
|“pattern”, it is called.
her little personal drama.
all of a sudden – a whirlpool,
echoing voice of sticky old trauma.”don’t wait for me yet”
well, it’s too late,
the mechanism’s on
her heart sings that
*artwork- “confusion” by roswita szyszka via dart.fine-art.co
|while married to roads,
of microscopic (barely) homeland,
i’ve been around and across.
same scenery all over.
sea is on my left. hopelessness- on right.
forever with my eyes closed
i am to hear someone else’s music,
and feel a stranger’s elbow
and smell a piercing sweat.
and now, again i’m lost?
these ways are alien.
i am at the crossroads,
same ruthless sky and rusty growth.
still. location is unclear.
you drive. your hand rests on my knee
together. we are so lost together
these roads divide and split,
so threatening, and we
we are bemused again.
you don’t know what to say
and my words die inside so i keep silent.
*artwork-“blurry cityscape” by ashly barid via .wallartys.com
|no guarantees. no eternal promises.
a stable place, is what i crave.
(mirage of) safety
obscures my sight.
right eye is open
left eye is closed
the third one is indigo not yet.
i am sad.