הילדה והעץ

*artwork- “a girl and a tree” by petra kaindel via


my scrawny birch has had to shed her roots

in the unlit marshes of the blue-eyed country

she’s been re-purposed and now ages

on the bed rock

under oriental sun

disoriented and dazed

knowing no direction

(traditions, heirlooms, family tales)

de-forestation of my mental grove

is inescapably on

still, i don’t know

how to create future



biodanza grenade-05.09.17


*artwork- via


biodanza melted everything

into my inability to be while with others

there, (un)disturbed and loud, it exploded

grenade of piercing realizing: 

i am so scared to not be able to love

to ever be able to care for someone

more than i care for myself

i’m terrified, that i’ll have to give up so much

for an uncertain promise to obtain.


rabbit burglar beast- 19.07.17

*artwork- by Silvia Pelissero (a.k.a Agnes-Cecile) via


Anxiety is swift

Is a rabbit hiding in a high grass

Jumping on the path in front of you

Shuffling your thoughts in a second

Is a skillful burglar

That bursts into your walls

Robs you of the ever thinning peace and


Is a ghostly beast, it smiles in your face

While watching you fail.

After being tamed for too long

It wants its freedom

Back and big.

So I have no choice

But to submit and surrender.

I’m letting it feed on plentiful of my fears

Primarily on the one that flickers in my head

In  massive neon-red letters:

“Am I able to bring and sustain life?”

a portrait of breastfeeding woman-3.03.17

*artwork-  “viva emptiness” album art for “katatonia” by travis smith



he was doing things over my computer
i sat besides, listening to
sounds of mouse clicks and worn out keyboard
i said “recently i feel emptied”
and he said “how come?”
so he read to me a poem he wrote
about legless junky whore who listens to Whitney Houston’s old record
i didn’t like it.
so he showed me someone else’s art
a portrait of a naked woman, having her child next to her right breast.
and her lover next to the left one.
we both shivered, slightly embarrassed
with all the taboos that stormed our heads.
and then, boom!
i laughed.
for this image envisioned, with the scariest precision, the thought that i woke up with.
i thought of all these man that i make suck on my breasts
the only thing that helps me cum.
i was thinking of all these lips and tongues that touched my nipples.
of all these heads i was pressing so hard
and caressing so gently
of all these long haired boys whose locks were covering my stomach.
are these meaningless acts of lust?
just something that gets me off?
or is it my perverted way to fulfill the motherhood that can never be accomplished any other way?
because a woman who breastfeeds can never feel empty.