the pattern-02.12.11

*artwork-“dark matter” by luca l. via studentartguide.com

dark-matter-charcoal

all the colors of mine
are not enough
to block the blackness
all the words i used to know
are wiped clean
by the persistence of your silence

so i get pulled, again
into turbulence of my dreads
fueled by vigor of your own

the story repeats itself
again and again
and again
vicious
cruel void
we are so powerless
in this love
love

you can not bear the most of me
and i want out so bad
but then you drop
the magic words
they work unfailingly
and i give in
give up
smiling
charmed, blinded by the sweetness of promise
and mute for some more
because there’s touch
it feels so god damn right
to get lost in our dizzy childish truths
and lies, so white, transparent almost
they help us through another day
of pretending

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hedgehogs in the fog-19.05.10

*artwork-  from “hedgehog in the fog” masterpiece animation by yuri norshteyn, 1975

b09303b7338cb800a4b62e914128227f

 

 

he says “i love you so much”…
does he acknowledge the burden?

the rules are unclear.
thus, my love is entwined with your guilt.
i make you sip it, in swallows you are able
to take.
i thought. and i missed.
you ask for mercy and i am letting go.

hedgehogs in the fog

we are
so curious, but then
disturbed, choking on ambiguous fears,
shadow-like thoughts,
made up tornadoes and delirious tremors.

we watch scary movies,
you laugh as i cover my eyes,
yet you hold me closer.

it’s all about tea, raspberry jam, and stars.

simple things used to be so complicated-20.02.10

*artwork-“intimacy” by svetlana ziuzina via artmajeur.com

4969219_intimacy-0

 

maybe because he does not speak
i am mute again.
comfortably embraced by silence.
listening to the music of heartbeats
instead of uneven rumble of words.
we hold hands in our sleep
and i let him kiss my face in the morning
and make a dinner. for me.
simple things used to be so complicated.
but now i rest.
and i let him touch, where no one did before.

happy new year-31.12.09

*artwork- “red couple dance” by naxart studio via fineartamerica.com

red-couple-dance-irina-march

still.
walled in comforting fears
my fruitful quest for rejection
won’t stop. i’d not give up
on you
so sweet, slap after slap
every word tastes like leather belt on my skin
leaving red marks that i collect and keep
carefully cataloged
and maintain them thoroughly.

we move, altering egos of cowardice.
my faceless men
your nameless women,
an endless fuel for
our dance of hurt and solace.