gratitude-29.03.16

*artwork- “sun dance” via artfinder.com/paigecastile

tumblr_n4wh58IFKF1qlvsdpo1_500

when i step into my room,

after a long day of waiting for things

to happen,

i am about to have two hours of

witnessing the sun hitting my space lovingly

caressing my face like my grandma never would.

right there and then my day starts to unfold

and right there and then my heart is full with

Gratitude

for all the little and great things that i can feel

and touch and see and experience

nothing is taken for granted

for every slippery moment is precious.

so this light that consumes the rooms

for about two hours, daily

is a tenacious reminder of appreciation

for whatever virtues i was granted.

such a cute couple-20.07.12

*artwork- via mulfingered.tumblr.com

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and.
does my silence hints i am serene at last?
knowing that i use words only to describe the absent.
reality check time has come
what an eye opening,
i laugh and tear
all together.

such a cute couple we are
we manage to fool them all
so eager this time it works
we are using blindfolds day and night
to keep the doubts of despair out
and in – these shallow lights
of hope and trust and warmth.

the pattern-02.12.11

*artwork-“dark matter” by luca l. via studentartguide.com

dark-matter-charcoal

all the colors of mine
are not enough
to block the blackness
all the words i used to know
are wiped clean
by the persistence of your silence

so i get pulled, again
into turbulence of my dreads
fueled by vigor of your own

the story repeats itself
again and again
and again
vicious
cruel void
we are so powerless
in this love
love

you can not bear the most of me
and i want out so bad
but then you drop
the magic words
they work unfailingly
and i give in
give up
smiling
charmed, blinded by the sweetness of promise
and mute for some more
because there’s touch
it feels so god damn right
to get lost in our dizzy childish truths
and lies, so white, transparent almost
they help us through another day
of pretending

a prayer for ariel-24.08.11

*artwork-“unlocking nine locks” by laura simms via touchdrawing.com

<a style="color: #666666; text-decoration: none;" onclick="window.open('http://touchdrawing.com/conferenceprints-order/','Conference Fine Art Prints','scrollbars=yes,resizable=yes,width=850,height=650,left=100,top='+(screen.availHeight/2-325)+'');return false;" href="http://touchdrawing.com/conferenceprints-order/">UNLOCKING NINE LOCKS Transforming Trauma through Story - Laura Simms 
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frozen hand of mercy
squeezes my throat mercilessly
every time he is near.
——-
i failed
he is down
so i am screaming soundlessly
so he won’t hear
so he falls
slowly-er
so he falls
on the soft ground
on the green grass
on someone else’s hands

35 years old child
he did cry twice
when i hugged him close
and he let me touch,
then for the briefest moment,
he showed
and i’ve panicked
and now he is
a tiny shadow of the man he used to be
when he was 20.

i pray for ariel to be back

hedgehogs in the fog-19.05.10

*artwork-  from “hedgehog in the fog” masterpiece animation by yuri norshteyn, 1975

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he says “i love you so much”…
does he acknowledge the burden?

the rules are unclear.
thus, my love is entwined with your guilt.
i make you sip it, in swallows you are able
to take.
i thought. and i missed.
you ask for mercy and i am letting go.

hedgehogs in the fog

we are
so curious, but then
disturbed, choking on ambiguous fears,
shadow-like thoughts,
made up tornadoes and delirious tremors.

we watch scary movies,
you laugh as i cover my eyes,
yet you hold me closer.

it’s all about tea, raspberry jam, and stars.